9/22/07 Kol Nidre With A Heavy Heart

Saturday was spent at the Urgent Care Center understanding the drug reaction, switching to new medications and marshalling my limited energy for that evening’s services in Ashland for Kol Nidre. I really wanted to attend but didn’t feel up to meeting anyone new.

We set near the back and watched the Ashland congregation get seated and greet one another, admire growing children and greeting friends. I felt lonely – I could only miss my friends at CBI. In my weakened state I needed their support, hugs and love. My heart was weeping as I missed my community. I used the last of my strength to stand for Kol Nidre. Without Mel to support me, rub my lower back, and give me strength, I felt drained of my resolve. I missed Marcia’s pacing of Kol Nidre and her beautiful voice.

We left at the Amidah … and didn’t go back the next day. Ironically, going to Ashland had been to worship for Kol Nidre/Yom Kippur. Dave fasted from Friday night sundown through lunch – his first fasting. I didn’t – I just rested and hoped I’d be better enough to drive to Portland the next day.

Then, just like a switch flipped, I turned the corner. The bright red rash started to diminish and the whites of my eyes changed back from their scary red color. I started to count the hours till I could see Mel and the excitement of “being with Dad” permeated the RV. It would be a long drive, 286 miles, but at it’s end, we knew Mel would be waiting.